Recently I shared some thoughts and emotions with one of my teenage granddaughters who is a champion debater. Whenever challenged at any level, she almost always defaults to a debate mode—which often turns the conversation into a heated argument. Such was the case with a recent encounter. Indeed, I have not spoken to her since the exchange.
When a little time has passed, I hope to share with her the following information regarding DEBATE verses DIALOGUE.
Recently I shared some thoughts and emotions with one of my teenage granddaughters who is a champion debater. Whenever challenged at any level, she almost always defaults to a debate mode—which often turns the conversation into a heated argument. Such was the case with a recent encounter. Indeed, I have not spoken to her since the exchange.
When a little time has passed, I hope to share with her the following information regarding DEBATE verses DIALOGUE.
The purpose of DEBATE is to get other people to change their minds and agree with your perspective.
The purpose of DIALOGUE is to try to understand other people’s perspectives in order to possibly accept their perspective and change your attitude and/or behavior in a way that will benefit all parties.
DEBATE works well in academic situations, but it is often counterproductive in personal situations.
You are a great debater. And while I do not want to discourage you from honing your debating skills, I hope you will get to a place where you can determine when it is time to debate and when it is time to dialogue.
For example, when a person is telling you how he or she feels, the subject is not up for debate—only dialogue. And unlike debate, dialogue requires far more genuine listening than talking. When you are engaging in a dialogue, it is not productive to think about the next thing you are going to say while the other person is talking. It’s far more beneficial to focus on what the other person is saying so that you can truly hear him or her.
At the very least, a good dialogue will help you understand and empathize with the other person and treat him or her accordingly. At best, you will understand the other person’s perspective and possibly modify your attitude and behavior accordingly. When this happens, you will “win” in a way that is far more satisfying and effective than winning a debate.
Believe me, as a “recovering debater,” I know what I am talking about. Smile.
